The Male “Politeness” Debate
What is the deal with the rules that men “should” abide by when it comes to women. By rules, I mean the old standard of Chivalry. It has been said that chivalry is dead in this country, yet women still yearn for these little actions. In this article I will go over a few of these, and then summarize why I believe that they are and quite possibly should be eliminated.
1. Putting down the toilet seat: I’m still trying to figure out why this one even exists. If a woman goes to the bathroom, and she puts the toilet seat down, does she lift it back up for us? And if she doesn’t, and we instead pee a little on the toilet seat, why is it the man’s fault? Why can’t the man just lift up the seat when he needs to pee, and the woman puts it down when she needs to? There is no reason that this needs to be some sort of inconsiderateness on behalf of men. Don’t even get me started on a peeing in the dark/falling through the toilet issue. You can turn on the light, you’re a big girl.
2. Opening the car door: Huh? Why? As a woman are you not able to open the door for yourself? Why is this even perceived as a form of politeness on behalf of a guy? I would think it would almost be a sign of dominance.
3. Paying for dates: I get this one in the event of long term relationships, but first or casual dates? I think the woman can contribute a little bit.
4. Giving the woman your coat when it’s cold: Listen, why should the man be punished for the cold, when if the woman needs his coat, she clearly wasn’t prepared for the elements. This looks like a case of the man enabling bad actions on the part of the woman.
Now before all you women get all pissy, hear me out. For hundreds of years now, women have been fighting for their rights. The right to vote, equal work, equal pay, etc. Women have fought hard, and attained so many rights in this country. Now, along with those rights however, comes a certain trade-off in the realm of chivalry.
Men and women now have relationships where both partners work, and BOTH partners share the responsibilities of the household. Men cook and clean now, do laundry and dishes. Back no more than 30 years, it was the woman’s role to make the house. The man made all the executive decisions however, and so “chivalry” was the stopgap in between. The men treated their wives with a certain kind of honor that really just masked their inferiority.
Because those rights have now been attained by women, the trade off needs to happen. Men are fine with doing some cleaning, cooking, etc. We now see you as equals. But because of that, because you are our equal, it’s time that you equally have to open your own car door, pay for your dinner, put down your toilet seat, and dress appropriately for the weather. Just like us men have had to for so very long.
Very true
I agree. I agree. I’ve never told my husband to put the toliet seat down because I told him I don’t put it up for him. That is stupid rule #1.
Rule #2 the car door I wouldn’t know about that one since he has never opened the door for me unless I was at the emergency room at the hospital. #3 paying for dates…well when we were dating yeah he’d pay for supper but then I’d pay him back when we got home if you get my drift. $to me a $20 dollar supper is cheap to sleep with a 17 year old girl. #4 I dress like an eskimo because I am cold He just wears a sweat shirt. Sometimes I feel like I should offer him my coat. And as far as him cooking or doing dishes or laundry he has only done that no more than maybe 3 or 4 times in 26 years because I was in the hospital or had to stay with sick family. Thanks! That’s my woman’s view. Oh by the way if you find a guy that does all of the above Give me his address and I’ll file for a divorce!
lol lola, I do dishes and love to cook!
I’ve heard this argument time and time again from different guys and it just makes me feel sorry for them every time. It’s like a bratty little kid pouting and stomping his foot saying, “But I don’t wanna!” It’s not about what you SHOULD do. If you’re doing nice things for someone you like just because you feel like you HAVE to, then it’s all just a crock of BS anyway and I’d rather you take your self-centeredness somewhere else so I can find a better guy. You do nice things for people because you want to show you care. On Mother’s Day, should you have to buy her a card and flowers and tell her you love her? I mean, it’s not like you had any say in when she conceived you and gave birth to you. You didn’t make her do it. So why should you have to spend money thanking her every year for something you didn’t even ask her to do? You do it because you love her and you’re showing that you appreciate her simply being who she is. That’s what chivalry is all about. If you care about a girl and want to convey to her that you are the kind of guy who takes care of those who are important to him, then be chivalrous. If not, that’s fine, too. You’ll probably find a girl who feels the same way you do and won’t have any interest in doing special things for you either. You’ll be the perfect match.
I do agree with somethingsthats as said.While I do agree that it will not hurt a women in anyway to check before u sit on the toliet, if your happen to be one of those men that doesnt bother to lift the seat. Then learn how to aim or look under the sink and get some cleaner and aleast clean up your own damn mess!!
WELL, I REALLY DON’T AGREE WITH ANYTHING SAID. WHEN YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE YOU TRULY LOVE, YOU WANT TO GO ABOVE AND BEYOND TO MAKE THE OTHER PERSON FEEL SPECIAL. IF IT MEANS OPENING THE DOOR FOR HIM OR HER THEN JUST DO IT. DOES IT HURT YOUR ARM TO PULL OPEN THAT DOOR? I ENJOY COOKING AND IT MAKES MY HUSBAND FEEL SPECIAL TO HAVE A GOOD MEAL WAITING FOR HIM AND I LIKE TO MAKE HIM FEEL THAT WAY. IN THE SAME WAY, HE OPENS THE DOOR FOR ME AND I APPRECIATE THE LITTLE THINGS HE DOES TO MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL. IT GOES BOTH WAYS
People have been overthinking this man/woman stuff, and it’s become too much of a generalization.
You heard from the lady above who says her husband almost never helps with housework. Lots of men are like this, whether their wives stay home or work. Some men just can’t be bothered with domestic chores, or are simply inconsiderate in this regard.
Sure we can move the toilet seat (that one doesn’t bug me, actually)
And yes, of course we’re capable of opening a car door, or any other door for that matter. Trust me, we mostly do. But when a man does this at least occasionally..it’s a way of showing consideration..caring..you know, he’s being sweet and thoughtful.
You men really don’t have to buy us things all the time or make a big deal out of occasions.
What we really want is someone who looks out for us and shows us he cares. This can mean noticing when we do something new with our hair or buy a new outfit, or holding a door all romantical like..it can mean lighting a candle on the table after we’ve cooked the meal for you..just making it special.
And sure..it’s nice if we’re cold and you give us your jacket. It’s sweet, and again..considerate.
If a man jumps out of the bushes and attacks us..that’s not your fault either, you know. Are you still obligated to beat him up?
Ummm…yes. You are.
While women have achieved a lot of equality..there are still *differences* between the sexes, and it would be silly to deny that.
As for dating, here is my rule of thumb: The one who invites, pays.
Therefore, if a woman asks you out, yes..she should pay.
If you ask her..you pay.
I find that fair and equal.
Agreeing to take turns paying works, too.
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article ale “Politeness” Debate, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article Debate, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.
Sorry I ‘m late with the comment but I just found your page today and I must say you’re pretty interesting…..
The reason women expect or want these things to be done is stupid but we can be pretty irrational. Men and women totally think and feel on different levels. When we are happy and in love we think about the person almost as often as a normal man would think about some form of sex. We sort of want these stupid things to be done just to reassure us that we are in your thoughts. You know that crazy can’t live without feeling….even after years women still hold on to it. We need some sign that you guys feel it or think it too. So we ponder ways to ease our minds and then we come up things like, “If you love me you’ll put the damn toilet seat down!”
Like I said, we can be pretty irrational but we have the best intentions.
Be a man. Act like a man. Articles like this is why so many little boys are growing up to be like girls. Stop whining and act like a man.
As a female I have never understood why it is up to the man to put the seat down. I figure if you are that lazy and cannot take the time to lower it then you are to lazy to pee. My husband and i have been married for 11 years we had a talk before saying I do. There is none of this “mans job” or womans job” stuff. If the house needs straighten and he gets to it first Great! If the yard needs mowing and I get it first Great! This is not the 40’s we work together and we like the arrangement. I say if it works for you then go. But I do like my door open. But then again I like when my husband is “dominating” to me also.
I do not have to worry about the toilet seat. I squat to pee….lol